Hickory Dickory Dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck twelve ...
Hey! Here's your f***ing bio!
      Born in NJ ... F*** you!

* Editor's note: Someone needs a nap!

1. Makes funny noises while playing guitar leads?
        True, but you'd have to get close to hear them.
2. Is anal retentive?
        Can't say. But he uses Cottonelle and alphabetizes his socks.
3. Is a Mammy Nun?
        True. Whatever that is.
4. Mark on forehead came from a recent headboard injury?
        False. It's a Harry Potter thing.
5. Invented the Frankism?
        True. Who else would have? "You can never catch up to tomorrow"
6. Still hasn't written a suitable bio for the website?
        You be the judge.
7. Has a penchant for boutique guitar amplifiers?
        True. And he wears designer underwear, too!
8. Is studying to become a priest?
        False. He's taking New Orleans Jazz/Blues Keyboard lessons.
        We see how you could be confused.
9. His first guitar used rubber bands for strings?
        True. Slide didn't work very well with this configuration due to the excessive frictional
        coefficient. On the plus side, it was very easy to bend the notes.

1. Frank is 50 years old.
   This is true only in the Ames newspaper. Can you still rock at age 50?
2. Frank was born without Blues Muscles.
   False. In truth, he was born with overly-developed blues muscles, but he was, at first, mistaken about their intended use.
3. Frank is a former cast member of the Sopranos.
   False. He just talks like one. He sure doesn't sing like one.
4. Plays with a Metronome? What's a metronome? Is that like a Garden Gnome, but more urban? Metro Gnome.
   
5. OK, so there's not 10.
   It is a misconception that there are 10 misconceptions. That makes a total of 5 misconceptions.

First and foremost, Frank is a Jersey Boy. That should be obvious by the Bio he produced (above). You can take the boy out of Jersey, but ... (complete the sentence). He's also a procrastinator. He was born in 15 minutes late, and he's been trying to catch up ever since.

Frank left the Garden State for Iowa State University in Ames, Iowa to study chemical engineering. But that plan was derailed. Frank's hormones dictated that another course of study be pursued. And pursue it, he did. During that pursuit, Frank became entranced by the live music that was being played at the weekend parties. Redzband captured his attention, and finally inspired Frank to pursue the guitar. His first band, Mammy Nuns, provided the perfect outlet for his guitar endeavors at the time. The hallmark of his guitar playing was enthusiasm and flamboyance, not technique. That would come later, and when it did, Frank landed a slot in Redzband. Then something began to resonate deep within his Polish-Jersey soul. After that his musical journey took a left turn at the corner of Funk & Groove, and a new world opened up to him.

Frank has a penchant for vintage, outdated technologies, as evidenced by his choice of cel phones (right).

• Mammy Nuns - what's a Mammy Num?
• Redzband - Classic Rock warriors
• Band X - generic, non-name brand college rock
• Lil' Frankie & the Funx
  
• Broken Arrow - never was fixed
  
• Mel's Diner
  
• Acousticats
  
• Mooncats
  
• FJB Project (Funk, Jazz & Blues, not the Freddie Jones Band)
  
• Shakin' Katies - it's what was shakin' at the time